The World at your Feet, the Change* in your Hands

The End has Passed, the New shall Begin

So it has been over three weeks since I left Pakistan. But the days sure feel like it was much longer than that. Probably because a lot of events have happened, and not just the random dinners with friends, but landmark events like...

...Weddings:

When one of your best friends in AIESEC gets married, and she's the same age as you, you can't help feeling like the tide is turning. We're not carefree bachelorettes anymore but ladies in waiting... waiting for you know what...

As a kid, I remember going for cousins weddings where you're thinking ah, it'll be decades before I'm the bride... How time has passed...Just two weeks ago on the auspicious date of 08.08.08, I had to shield myself from two dozen people asking me, "So when is your turn??" with a teasing smile. After the first dozen I stop saying, "I don't know" and instead answer, "10.10.10, or latest... 11.11.11, simply because 09.09.09 would be too soon, and 12.12.12 I'd be infertile by then. And aunty, I've booked that date, so don't you dare marry off your child then!!"

...New career opportunities:

Strange how when I applied for jobs while in Pakistan, there was absolutely no response. And after coming back... I get offers from left right centre... Of course, they're not exactly what I am looking for, but I believe the opportunity open to me now is something to build upon. And with that new career, it dawns on me, I'm no longer a student, no longer an intern, no more excuses for mistakes, no more fooling around. It's a serious competition now, I have to start running with the baton in my hands and keep moving, keep running if I want to reach my destination.

...(Still) Redefining an Identity:

However much I miss Pakistan and one Pakistani in particular, and however much I want to go back, Singapore is still my home country. And what a way to celebrate the homecoming than with a silver medal in the Olympics! Though I didn't win it, our imported foreign talent did. But who cares... she's a fellow citizen who decided to call my original home her new home... The pride is still heartfelt!

Rediscovering home has been slow I guess. For one, there's nothing much different from when I last came... There's a few new tourist attractions, a new shopping mall, a new mega shopping mall, and not much else really. The house is still the same, my family is still the same, yet it feels different because I know I've changed, somehow...

Trouble is, I can't pinpoint that change. It surfaces as a slight discomfort whenever I am with old friends, with family at the weddings, with people I have known so well for years, yet with that one year away from them all, has somehow made me forget how they were. It's like getting to know them all over again, and having them get to know me.

Maybe the reality is far from how I am trying to rationalise this now. A dear Estonian friend who spent two years in Asia, and recently stayed with me on a visit, had these words of advice. "It's just a process you have to go through..." getting back into rhythm with a familiar yet different environment takes time and patience. And there is no tried mechanism in dealing with it because everyone handles it differently.

So here we are, 8 paragraphs later and I'm still trying to manage this reintegration cultural shock. Part of the shock is probably that when coming back you don't expect it to be different when it actually is, small developments in yourself and others that will take time and the power of observation to realise. Till then just go with the flow, and keep the eyes open. 8-)

posted by Zafirah @ PM 03:31